Drinking Games
by twinklestar120
Summary: Kurogane thinks that he should probably refrain from drinking before feeding Fai in the future, especially if it results in this. KuroFai


**Drinking Games**

Kurogane thinks that he should probably refrain from drinking before feeding Fai in the future, especially if it results in _this_ – the mage curled up on his lap like a big, blonde cat, gazing up at him through one slit pupil and _purring_.

Despite the display of apparent drunkenness, Fai is still smiling, and it's as fake as ever, a brazen slap in the ninja's face, here in this dingy living room, the brat and the princess asleep in their rooms and Mokona asleep or unconscious (or possibly dead) from alcohol intake. Kurogane occasionally finds himself wondering at their _domesticity_, until he remembers that it's all fake, fake, fake – the brat's gone, no matter how painfully similar this new Syaoran is to him, the princess is dead inside, numb with heartache, and the mage has always been dead, no matter the warm, comforting weight of him on his lap now. In the morning they'll both be sober again, and Kurogane will slit his wrist and Fai will bend his blond head and drink his blood, but there won't be this illusion (because it's still just as illusion, that's all it ever was, but he'll take what he can get, pathetic as it is) of closeness there is now.

A bolt of desperation shoots through him at this thought, and it's a mixture of this and the whisky that results in him placing a large hand on the mage's head and threading his fingers through the yellow silk of Fai's hair. He feels it catch and snag on his calluses and tries not to think. It's easier than he suspects it should be, but then it always is, around Fai. He doesn't think as his fingers travel to rest in the hollow behind the mage's ear. He doesn't think as he strokes gently down behind the jaw and he doesn't think as the tips of his fingers come to rest at the blond's throat. He feels Fai arch his back, eye almost completely closed in apparent pleasure, head thrown back so that Kurogane can follow the lines of that delicate jaw with his eyes. He lets out a sound, a mixture of a sigh, as moan and _yes_, a purr, that shoots straight to Kurogane's groin, and before he can stop himself, his brain is up and running and he's _thinking_ again.

He thinks, _Fuck_.

And because he can't stop himself now that his brain is functioning, he looks down, and he also thinks that Fai's head in his lap is really, _really_ not helping the current situation _at all._

The blond is apparently completely unaware of these thoughts running through the ninja's (admittedly somewhat groggy) mind, because now he's prying Kurogane's fingers from around the glass of whisky and inspecting them lazily. There are half-healed cuts all over them from today's chess match, and there'll be more tomorrow. Kurogane might drown in the futility of it all if he wasn't concentrating every particle of his body on hoping that Fai isn't-is-isn't-is-_isn't_ about to do what he thinks he's about to do.

Fai delicately sticks his tongue out, a tiny pink triangle.

Kurogane thinks, _Fuck, fuck, fu-_

Fai licks a knuckle, almost thoughtfully.

Kurogane's brain decides that's all it's up to for today and shuts down again.

His breath rattles down his throat as Fai's tongue curls its way around his index finger and his mouth closes hotly on the web of skin between it and his thumb and _sucks, _while his fingers trace patterns over Kurogane's wrists, where his veins are closest to the surface. There's a crinkling around the mage's eyes which suggests that he knows _exactly_ what he's doing to Kurogane and that he's enjoying it far too much. The ninja manages to fill his lungs for a roar that will knock the slender blond right off his lap, but then he remembers the kids and how exhausted they are these days, and how he shouldn't wake them up just because he is incapable of controlling a stupid mage whose hands are sliding up the inside his thigh towards his –

- his hips and he is not feeling anything _close_ to disappointment, why would he, especially since those hands are pulling at his shirt and sliding up his chest, and they're so -

- cold.

The icy fingers brushing his ribs are the kick-start his brain needs, and it suddenly goes into overdrive, instructing his arms to extend, pushing the mage out of his lap and onto the hard floor.

Fai gives a yelp as Kurogane ignores the cold attacking his body at the loss of the mage's warmth, but uses the momentum to flip back upright, ending up curled at the ninja's feet with his chin on his knees. Kurogane "hmphs" and picks up his whisky again, muttering "Damn mage."

Fai looks almost relieved for a moment, and then blinks one blue, blue eye up at Kurogane. His hair's come down at some point, and he is tiny, curled up on the floor. He looks about sixteen. The missing left eye is even more prominent and Kurogane forgets the ache in his groin, the soreness of his muscles and the sting of the cuts on his hands as he is flooded with remorse at having failed to protect what was most important once again. He downs the rest of the whisky and sets the glass aside to reach forward. He ghosts his fingers across the eye patch and Fai is completely serious inside and out for once, mouth flat, eye wide and earnest. He shifts his chin so that it leans on ninja's knee, digging it in enough to mildly annoy, and then, strangely (though Kurogane wonders why he is still surprised at some of the blond's antics) drops his head to rub his nose against it, curling both his hands around the ninja's calf, tightly enough for Kurogane to growl "Mage…"

Fai looks up at him, the skin around his eyes crinkling, and teasingly replies, "Kuro-"

Kurogane feels his entire body tense up and he knows that Fai does too, his fingers shifting over the tightened muscles of his calf, and he realises his mistake instantly, as Fai drops his eyes, and ends, mumbling a, "-gane" into his chin. Kurogane looks away for a moment, in order to control the urge to strike the mage, to beat him back to being the whoever he'd pretended to be until now. He doesn't want this real, bitter Fai.

He tries to make his muscles relax, and eventually, they do. Fai's fingers have become lax and fallen away, and no part of him is touching Kurogane now. That helps, a little.

When he thinks he can look back again, Fai is a horrible mix of the not-Fai he was before and the not-Fai he is now, looking old and drawn and hollow, but with a smile pasted on top.

Kurogane is tired of this game.

"You should go to bed," he says, picking up the bottle of whisky. He wants Fai to leave so that he can drink himself to sleep the way he has every night since they got here. He wants Fai to do a lot of things, none of which Fai ever does, so it doesn't surprise him all that much when the mage opts against retiring and leaving him to his whisky. And it only surprises him slightly when Fai slithers up onto his lap (well, isn't _this_ familiar?) and straddles him (okay, this isn't), pressing a kiss against his collarbone, before his lips move up to where Kurogane's pulse flutters like a spastic butterfly in his throat.

Kurogane expects at least a playful nip at his throat, but all he gets is Fai's slender arms tightening around his shoulder, and his shuddering breath against his neck, and his eyelashes fluttering convulsively against his cheek, and a very soft "Kuro-chan" whispered in his ear.

And Kurogane feels the urge to hit something again. Because he got what he wanted, and it hasn't fixed anything, it hasn't made everything normal, it's just made everything worse, because now Fai's detaching himself and fleeing to his room like a scalded cat and Kurogane feels like he's lost his family all over again and he's lonelier than ever. He pours himself another drink.

* * *

The next night there is another chess match, and there are more scratches on Kurogane's hands, and the emptiness in Sakura-hime's eyes has grown. The next night Syaoran presses himself against his bedroom wall and listens to the breathing of the girl who is not his princess and Kurogane drinks and drinks and drinks but Fai does not.

* * *

**Wow, I didn't mean to end on such a depressing note. In fact, I started this intending for it to be slightly cracky, but as you can see, failed miserably. Um, yeah. I've made Kurogane an alcoholic and Fai a bi-polar cat (but he was kind of one to begin with, so it's okay). Any weirdness in the latter part of the piece can be attributed to the fact that it's currently 1.45 am. Any weirdness at the beginning is just bad writing. Feedback would be nice. If anyone would like to inform me as to what this fic is actually **_**about**_**, please do, because **_**I**_** certainly have no idea. It amazes me that I managed to write 1000+ words with **_**no plot**_**. Also, the ending was rather abrupt, but I didn't really know how to lead into it. Thank God for page breaks.  
**

**Also, I realise that the whole chess deal was a pretty long time ago, as far as the manga's concerned, but frankly, I'm pretty baffled as to **_**what the fuck is going on **_**with Tsubasa at the moment. CLAMP, WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOOIIIING!? Incidentally, I did attempt a fic with the events of Chapitre 185 (y'know, the whole "Why did you send the kid out of the room?" "Because I'm about to ravish you mercilessly, Kuro-rin, and I don't want to scar him any more". But without that last bit), but there wasn't much to be done with it really, promising as it seemed. Cyber cookies and kisses to anyone who's had the patience to read my rambles all the way to down here. (Extra cookies for anyone who noticed my moment of terrifying uncertainty regarding tenses about a quarter of the way into the fic. It still hurts my eyes when I read it.)  
**

**I agonised about putting this up for about three hours, because it feels a little sub-par, and then I though, sod it, if it fails miserably, I'll just delete it and banish it from memory (and hard drive) forever.  
**


End file.
